Buddhist point of view on "love"


    There are many types of love. The following will explain the Buddhist point of views on “love between men and women”, “parental love”, and “great love”.


The love between men and women

    People divide the love of men and women into “sexual love” and "emotional love”. Sexual love is short-lived and usually disappears after sex. Such a situation indicates that the relationship between men and women which is established from sexual love is unreliable; it conforms to the “impermanence” preached in Buddhism . What everyone admires is “the love that last a whole life”―― the love for one person only and that can last till they grow old. But, from the Buddhist point of view, this kind of love is still impermanent. Even if there is a person who can keep love for a lifetime, he still will encounter unavoidable death and love will still disappear. Secondly, when the youthful years fade away, our attraction to our spouse will gradually fade, too. If we cannot sublime love to responsibility and respect, the extramarital affairs may happen.

    We long for love because it brings happiness, but, after we get old, the love we tried hard to pursue at young age often brings us pain. Such a change is actually the essence of love and it cannot remain unchanged forever.

   The things that are as impermanent as the love of men and women and that will cause us painful are: love of eating (causes fat or sick), love of money (easy to lose yourself), love of fame (easy to make people hide their real self); these all belong to The scope of greedy love.


Parental love:

    Because of the nature of living creatures, we will take care of our next generation with all our heart; this kind of love transcends selfish humanity. Parents, for their children, give their mental and physical energy without complaint, in order to hope that their children can grow up safely. We always praise this kind of love as great. However, as the children grow up, they are no longer dependent children, and the parental care of the children will eventually come to an end. Parents who cannot let their children stand on their own feet will turn their love for their children into a pain between gains and losses. Parents who are willing to let go will have to bear the feeling of loneliness as they grow older and their children will leave in order to make another family.

    Although parental love transcends selfish humanity, impermanence will eventually come as time goes on. Whether letting go or not letting their children stand on their own, parents will more or less feel helpless and painful for these changes. Moreover, from the Buddhist concept of reincarnation, even if parents and children can meet again in the future reincarnation, they may become strangers passing by.

    These statements are not to encourage parents not to love their children. The point we are talking about is how to see clearly the impermanence of love and the pain it brings; if we can understand the essence of "love" in our heart and can give love or receive love without attachment, we can reduce the pain caused by "clinging to love."


Great love:

    The highest level of love in the world is the selfless love for all sentient beings――instead of seeking peace and happiness for oneself, but hoping that sentient beings can obtain peace and happiness and be free from pain. Even when these selfless persons are suffering, they are still thinking about others' Well-being and happiness. In Buddhism, the necessary condition for becoming a Buddha is to wish and practice making all sentient beings be free from pain and get happiness forever; this kind of love is called “bodhicitta”.

    In fact, such a state of mind can no longer be called “love”. It is a difficult problem to express this state of mind in words, so let's call it “great love” for the time being! Those who can develop and practice great love should be included in the category of sages. They are called “Bodhisattva” in Buddhism. Because they have made a wish to let all living beings get the most ultimate relief, therefore they can abandon their own enjoyment and put the focus of life on helping all beings get away from suffering and get happiness.


    All living beings are floating up and down in samsara; the reason is that because they are bound by love. If we can recognize the essence of love, we can finally see the reality of life and get relief from all pains.


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