How to be yourself and change yourself


    ​​Why do people hide who they are? From the point of view of a Buddhist, I think there are two reasons: one is to protect themselves, and the other is because there are some advantages for hiding themselves. Why can they protect themselves by hiding themselves? Because our society is full of all kinds of dangers and there are people who are too kind or don't understand some other people’s bad hearts; so if they don't hide themselves, they can easily be guessed by others, and then be deceived and hurt. In addition, there are people who have bad behaviors and thoughts, and because they are afraid that they will be scolded or ridiculed when others discover it; in order not to be seen through, they need to hide themselves instead. Secondly, why do hiding themselves have certain benefits? Some people always show different behaviors when they are with others or alone. In other words, these people are living in an image that they pretend to. Through these fake images in interpersonal relationships, others will think that they really are such kind of persons. Because others are deceived by such false images, the person who hides himself can get along with others in a pretended image, and get the advantages of reputation, social status, money, or psychological comfort.

    Hiding the true self seems to be helping ourselves on the surface, but after time goes by, we will find that we are not happy. "To be a pretended self" means that we must always fight against who we really are, and at the same time, we need to always be careful not to be discovered by others. Even when we are tired and want to relax, we still have to pretend to be happy or maintain our image. Sometimes we will be afraid of being discovered by others that our true self is different from the pretended image, and afraid that we will lose our long-standing reputation, social status, money, and psychological comfort; the pressure in our mind is even greater. This kind of life is actually uncomfortable and unhappy.

    How to remove the mask and be yourself? First of all, we must understand: hiding the true self is not happy, even if doing so can protect ourselves and bring some benefits, it is still not as good as the calm mind and ease that being the true self will bring. After removing the mask, we will find that we can view our life and daily living more correctly, knowing that we can indeed become a better person.

    In fact, the reason for wanting to hide the true self is from our own desires and taking ourselves too seriously. Eliminating some desires that are too strong and suppressing the behaviors and thoughts that are too selfish and self-centered will be a great help for those who want to be themselves. Letting go of our attachment to ourselves is a good medicine for us to move towards a comfortable life.

    When we are trying to give up hiding our true selves, we will gradually discover that our true selves are sometimes imperfect and even make us a little embarrassing. This is normal. If our true self has no shortcomings, we don't need to do everything possible to hide it. But we should also make good use of this discovery and hope that we can change and become a better person, more easy and happier person. At this time, we can think about the pain and anxiety that hiding our true self brings, and the ease and happiness that being our true self brings. Comparing the effects of these two different ideas can increase our courage to change ourselves.

    Kindness and innocence do not prevent us from being who we are, but we have to hone our ability to cope with deception or injury from others, and appropriately transform and resolve these problems. Usually, when we think that there is no way to solve certain problems, if we can change our mindset, the problem will be solved suddenly. If we can practice letting go of our attachment to ourselves and pass this method to others, this cycle will ultimately make ourselves and society be better.

2021.March

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